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Losing my chat bot virginity to Sensation Bot was about as hot and satisfying as losing my actual virginity, which is to say not at all.

Sensation Bot’s creators are anonymous—there’s no information about why it was built or who it was built for.

Its aesthetic harkens back to an earlier, more innocent time where wholesome bots like Smarterchild and Cleverbot ruled the internet chat bot landscape.

They talk like four-year-olds—abruptly changing the subject, adorably misunderstanding simple questions, and occasionally stumbling on otherworldly insight.

If you want to get off on the internet there’s no shortage of ways to do it.

Porn is ubiquitous and obvious, but there’s also internet-specific sex work.

If you’re willing to cough up a few bucks, you can chat with a sex worker over sms or watch a cam girl strip and moan, her bedroom eyes beckoning through the haze of pixelated light on a glass screen.

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Dating apps function as a middle school gossip: you tell the app who you like, then the app lets the other person know But perhaps that’s what makes it so unsettling.

Instead, according to a crude MS Paint portrait that sits on the top left of its home page, Sensation Bot is a series of grey blobs dotted with beady HAL-red eyes and a wide grin—a dollar-store knockoff of the Reddit logo.

Under the picture Sensation Bot greets us with an innocuous “Hi there.” Sure, there’s a G-Rated chat for the under-18 sect, and a “Romantic” chat for the “ladies” whose sensibilities might be shaken by Sensation Bot’s relentlessly filthy smut, but Sensation Bot’s programmers clearly spent a lot of energy on creating a chat bot specifically for sex.

They’re essentially novelty acts; in talking to them you test how well a robot can approximate a real, human conversation. Its slogan, “a strange little chat with a strange little guy…” makes it seem like an exhibit in an internet freak show aimed at the portion of the population who wonders what a horny robot would say to the object of its affections.

It looks to satisfy people’s curiosity if not their libidos; it’s good for a laugh rather than a fuck.

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